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Showing posts from November, 2019

Atonement

My heart is pounding. It's now or never. Fuck. He's right up to me now.  He's laughing at me.  I tell him I'm sick of living like this.  I have zero confidence and my lip is quivering.  Fear sets in.  Am I daring to stand up to him?  "Living like what?" He mocks me.  Still smiling.  "Like this!  Drugs, fighting, all of it!" He raises an eyebrow and looks very amused.   He tells me that the only reason he does drugs is because I make him and we fight all the time because I push him. He puts his hands on my shoulders and tells me to stop and come back in the house.  I said NO!  I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.  His demeanor immidiately changes.  "We fight because you always do shit like this you crazy bitch!".  I shrug his hands off my shoulders.  I am sobbing but not because I am sad.....I am so angry and so sick of everything....I can't take any more.  I cannot take anymore.   I tell him I want to separate.  (Good old south

Leaps of.........Faith?

Hey!  It's been a WHILE! I have SO many reasons and excuses as to why it has been so long....but that would take so much typing on my part and reading on yours.  Short and sweet.......Life.  Life gets hard, life gets good, life gets sad, and life gets amazing.    It never stays in one category.  Mine usually bounces back and forth between all of those very swiftly. Day by day, even.  Single mom living paycheck to paycheck.....you all know......right?  Most of you know, I am sure. A lot has changed.   I am living my best life.  Right now.  To me that means I am succeeding in staying open minded, and am available to learn and to receive life's lessons.  People can have everything they wish for, but if they aren't teachable, they will never live their best life.  I have soooooo much to learn, but  I am happy with my view of life. I work and I take care of my 3 year old daughter.  I don't hang out with friends and I don't date.  I HAVE friends and we talk often, bu