February 18th, 2023      My first born died 30 days ago.   I can't function correctly.  I can take care of my little one....my mom is helping.  But Collette is dead.  I don't know........anything.  Like WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!? Are you mother fucking serious? Three kids?  THREE? Who the fuck is in charge here, and I want to talk to them NOW! How could a world, a universe, a GOD, be SO cruel?  I have watched 3 children die...or held them after death, or saw them after death and couldn't touch them.  My life is cursed and I am so fucking sorry to my two children left that they were born into this.  I can't even fathom what cruel entity would be capable of this.  I can't stop crying, I can't stop trying to text her.  I CANT anymore.  How the fuck am I supposed to?   I KNOW I have no choice.  I KNOW I am stuck being alive.  What do you even do with that?  Oh my sweet Collette, I can't do this without you.  My first born, my best friend, I can't carry th